The Ex List
by AliceCullenSisters
Summary: Esme is informed by her psychic friend that she has already met her future husband, but if she doesnt find him before the year is out, she will be alone forever! BAD SUMMARY! ENJOY!
1. Prologue

The Ex List-Prologue

Okay-Elizabeth Reaser starred in an old tv-show that was canceled, and it looked interesting, so I'm basing this one on that, but with the Twilight characters and an alternate ending. Enjoy!

I shoved my books into my bag and spun out the door of the classroom. My new teaching job was a lot to handle.

My phone started buzzing, deep under all the books. "Shit," I mumbled as I rummaged through the bag, finally feeling the pulsing device. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID.

ALICE

I frowned and answered. "I'm on my way, Alice," I announced into the phone. But she shrieked on the other end. "Esme-oh my god, Esme, get you ass back here now! This is NOT good!" She hung up before I could ask.

"Stupid psychic," I mumbled under my breath. Alice was, well, a psychic-she was always right when she predicted the future.

I shoved my cell back into the bag and hurried out the door.

I fumbled with the keys to my front door. As soon as I had it angled to go into the hole, Alice had yanked it open and pulled me in. She pushed me onto the sofa and started pacing around me.

"Alice-what in the hell is wrong with you? And what was that call..." She cut me off.

"Esme," she took a deep breath, "You need to find your true soulmate this year." I raised my eyebrows.

"And again, why is that bad?"

"Esme, if you don't, you will be alone-forever!" she shrieked. I bit my lip. She's never been wrong before though.

I sighed. "Any clues on how to find him?"

She closed her eyes, and a minute later, she grinned. "Yes, it's someone you've dated before-that should narrow it down-"

"Alice-do you have any clue about how many guys I have dated? How many times I have fallen in love? It would take years to remember all of them-let alone find them! Oh god, Alice, what am I gonna do?" I raged.

She shrugged, and started to walk away. "Better start crackin'."

She left the room. I wanted to scream. Loud. But I shrugged off the idea, and thought for a minute.

I pulled a notebook from my bag, and tossed the bag itself to the door.

I tested the pen, and slowly made out the list-as many men as I could think of.

Hope you enjoyed it! It will get a bit more interesting as time goes on (crazy guys, psychic psychos, lemons!) Thank you and I love you all! I'll update soon!


	2. Edward Masen

**The Ex List-Chapter 1**

**K-I am getting slower at updating! I should get some more done over Christmas break (which starts Wed.). Enjoy!**

My plan was to call the people that I didn't know where they were or were to far away, and go to meet the people who were close enough.

I read the first name on the list over and over again:

Edward Masen

Each time scared me more. Edward was...more mature than the others on my list. He had taken everything to the heart, and was serious all the time...

...I took his arm as he led me up the walk to the restaurants entrance. His face was expressionless, and I was silent. The only noise came from the cars rushing past.

...Edward smiled at me and whispered into my ear. I giggled, but then it went quiet. His face drew to a solemn mask and I quickly hid my feelings.

...I bit my lip as we sat at the table, staring in wonder at the new crystal earrings he had gotten me. They were beautiful, but it wasn't worth it.

I couldn't handle it. So I had broken up with him last winter, the night he gave me the earrings.

He wasn't my latest boyfriend, but he sure as hell wasn't the first.

This, I am not looking forward to, I thought as I dialed the number. It beeped a few times, and then clicked.

"Hello?" his voice filled my ear. I bit my lip.

"Edward," I breathed heavily, and he went silent.

"Esme-is that you? Wait, why are you calling me?" he stopped, expecting an answer. I sighed.

"Uh, I just...wanted to talk. I mean, how are you? What's happened over the past few months?" I quickly asked. He was quiet for a moment.

"Well, I'm actually engaged...to Bella Swan," he answered. I chewed on my bottom lip for a second.

"Oh, congratulations. I hope you're very happy together. I have to go. It was nice speaking to you, Edward." I quickly hung up, and flung the phone across the room.

I was really beginning to hate this.

Someone knocked on my bedroom door. I groaned and threw a pillow at it and turned over. I should have never given Alice a key.

She burst in, and pounced on the bed, shaking me. I tried to slap her, but fell off the bed instead. I groaned again and pressed the pillow to my face.

"Ez-Wake up! Get the hell up!" she shouted, shaking me hard. I slapped her hands away, my eyes still squeezed shut.

"No...Get your ass out of my room. I want to sleep. It's Saturday," I slurred. The next thing I felt was ice cold water flowing across my face.

I shot up, gaping at her. "Why in the hell do you do that?" I said wiping my eyes with my damp t-shirt. "Damn, the was cold," I mumbled.

"A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...to get another girl out of bed," she smiled, "I swear you could sleep the damn night away." I slapped her on the arm, and pushed myself up out of watery mess.

I shuffled over to my closet and began pulling assorted shirts and bottoms. "Why in the hell are you here so early anyway?" I asked Alice. She smiled.

"You have a visitor." She pranced out the door, and I followed, seeing her standing with...Carlisle. I frowned.

"What do want, Carlisle?" I raised my eyebrows when he stepped forward, holding out a fisted hand. Alice smiled and danced out to the kitchen. I'd bet she'd be listening.

"What's this?" I asked stepping closer to him. He took my hand in his and I watched as he wrapped a silver charm bracelet around my wrist. He let my arm drop, and I shook my hand, smiling at the tinkling charms-I payed the most attention to the three in the front...

...A music note.

...A monkey.

...An open book.

I smiled at him with questioning eyes, waiting for an explanation.

"The music note...for the time that we tried musical instruments..." he started.

...It was our freshman year in high school at the beginning of the year. We had been looking for some kind of extracurricular thing to do, so we had decided to take up band. I was trying the flute, and Carlisle was attempting the drums. I say tried and attempted because, in other words...we sucked. Utterly. After the fourth mess up on scales, I had gotten up and walked out of the room. Carlisle right after me.

His joke made me laugh.

"The monkey...for the zoo..." he continued.

Where we first met.

...I was in the first grade. When my family had first arrived to the new zoo, I had darted off to the primate house. I entered the large building and the scent of animals filled my nostrils, so I ducked back out of the rancid structure and peered around for my parents. They were no where to be found. I called out, no one answering. I felt a tap on my shoulder, so I turned, and there he was. He helped me locate my frazzled and worried parents.

From the time we had first met, Carlisle had always been helping me.

"And the open book...because I can always read you so clearly," he finished with a chuckle.

...It was right after the graduation ceremony. I sat, crying on the steps of the school, the cell phone in bits strewn along the sidewalk. I heard footsteps behind me, and I looked up, finding Carlisle behind me. He had sat down next to me, silently taking me into his muscular arms, and letting me cry about the loss of my mother.

He had always been there for me. Always. Even when he was depressed himself. That's why he was my best friend.

I practically jumped on him to give him a hug. He gasped in surprise, and I squeezed harder. He hugged me back.

After a minute, I pushed him away. "Why in the hell are you here at 6 in the morning...especially on a flipping Saturday. Thank you for the bracelet, but I am going back to bed," I announced, ushering him to the door.

He took a deep breath. "I'm leaving town for a few days, so I wanted to say goodbye. Goodbye," he said, taking a step out the door. I pushed him further.

"Bye," I said smiling, and watched him pull out of the driveway.

Not a second after I had shut the door, Alice ran out from the kitchen.

"I knew it," she said with a tinkling laugh.

She disappeared out the front door before I could ask.

**Hehe-sorry bout being late. Love ya!**


	3. Tyler Crowley

The Ex List-Chapter 2

What'd ya think of the last chap? Do you think I should continue? 3 reviews for next one...

Tyler Crowley...

God, it keeps getting worse, I thought as I dialed the number by memory.

"Yo, you got Ty," the bulky voice rumbled into the phone. I clenched my lips together. "Esme?"

My eyes widened. "How in the hell did you know it was me, Ty?"

I heard him chuckle. "Your number...for one, and two, it takes you a minute to answer on the phone."

I breathed deeply before answering, but he cut me off.

"See what I mean, Ez? Exactly," he said, satisfied with himself.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, Ty, now get to the business. What's happening? How are you?"

He sighed. "I live in Port Angeles, working for Riley's Sanitation. And I am awfully lonely in my apartment." He stressed the word lonely. Figures, he'd probably not be married.

"Was that supposed to be a pick up line?" I asked amused.

He stuttered. "Uh, yeah...maybe, I mean..."

I giggled, and he laughed cautiously along with me.

"I've missed your laugh. In fact, I've missed everything about you," he said, his voice serious.

"Now that's a pick up line."

He chuckled. "What time should I pick you up?"

I smiled. "6 o'clock."

I hung up the phone just as another call came through. I glanced at the caller ID and groaned.

"What?" I grumbled into the speaker.

The masculine voice that made me weak at the knees came through the phone. "Hey-I'm going to be delayed a little-the pilot of the damn plane keeps stalling."

I giggled and Carlisle huffed. "Why do you think whenever I am annoyed or harmed in any flipping way, you think it's so hilarious?" He repeatedly groaned.

That made me giggle harder, until it turned into a full blown laugh. He sighed.

I finally calmed down after a few long minutes. "When will you be coming back?"

He was silent for a second. "I'm not entirely sure-tomorrow maybe, at the latest."

I considered about telling him about my date with Tyler, but quickly decided against it. "I gotta go, Carlisle. Bye," I announced, hanging up on him. I needed to get ready for my date.

The door bell rang. I rose from the couch and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"Esme!" Tyler wrapped me in a tight hug when I opened the door. I blinked in surprise, and he led me out to his car.

I raised my eyebrows. "An M3? You work for a sanitation company?"

He coughed nervously. "Uh, no, actually. It's a friends."

I shrugged. "It's still cool," I mumbled to myself as he opened the door for me.

"So," he started the conversation, "what have you been up to?"

I cleared my throat and shrugged. "The usual. I just was hired at the high school to teach sophomore chemistry and freshman basic science. I have to admit, it's been a tough move."

He looked at me questioningly, so I explained. "I moved to New York for a few years to fulfill my designing dream, but I went out of business. So, I moved back here over the summer."

Tyler chugged his Coke. "Designing?"

I nodded. "Interior design. I sometimes redecorate my own home-I usually change the paint every three or four months," I explained, but realizing how quickly it all had come out, I blushed.

He noticed my expression and chuckled. "Sounds good. You should redo my place. It is in desperate need of new paint," Tyler offered hopefully.

I bit my lip. "I'd have to see the space and take measurements, but sure."

He smiled. "Awesome. Hey, maybe you could come check it out as soon as we're done here?"

I quickly nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great," I finished, then sipped at my iced tea, waiting for the night to end.

"This is it."

I raised my eyebrows. "This. Is. Huge."

My mind started to roam with ideas of paint colors, window draperies, and sleek light fixtures. "So we could do three shades of blue on the walls and black curtains with paneled blinds. Oh, and in the kitchen over here, we could hang black spotlights over the counter. Some matching accent pillows, a mosaic in the background, and this place will be perfection."

Tyler didn't respond, so I turned back to the door where he had been standing. No one was there.

"Tyler? Uh, weren't we going to redecorate this place. It definitely has potential. Tyler?" I called, unsure where he went. I took a step towards the door, prepared to leave, but he suddenly stepped out from the kitchen.

He motioned for me to come closer. I slowly advanced toward him, and he took me in his hands.

"Tyler? What in the hell are you doing?" I demanded. He pulled me closer. I tried to back away, but when he fiercely yanked me against him, I knew what was happening.

It was all a trick, I cursed to myself as I struggled against his grip, this was second grade safety-never go with strangers. "Please. Don't do this."

He laughed darkly and I felt his hand creep down my back, and his thumb flick up inside my shirt.

Time for Plan B.

I struggled a bit more, positioning myself. Then I kneed him square in the crotch. He yelped in pain, and his grip fell loose on me. I scrambled away from him, and when I reached the door, I turned back to the hunched figure on the floor.

"Survival 101," I whispered, then ran out the door, down the stairs, and out of the apartment building.

On the walk home, my brain fought battles with my heart...

My brain said: how could I have been so stupid?

My heart said: for love, taking chances is necessary.

My brain said: I will never do this again.

My heart said: I will risk it all to find the one.

Shut up, conscience!, I mentally screamed at myself.

When I arrived home, I kicked off my heels and collapsed on the couch. I pulled my list from under the cushion and searched for the next name, but before I could find it, my eyes were closing and I was asleep.

OMG! I'm SOOOO sorry! I practically went missing! I hope this did it! Love ya!


	4. Mike Newton

The Ex List-Chapter 3

The Sweetheart

This chap will include a little background, new friends will be introduced, and she goes in search of her next guy-Mike Newton. Enjoy!

I woke with a start.

I had fallen asleep on my sofa last night. Stretching, I checked watch and cursed. It was nearly 8:00. I needed to get to the school.

As I warily got up, something fell to the floor, and it reminded me of the unfortunate events that took place yesterday.

I picked up the notebook and inspected my list-still a long one at that-and read over the next name:

Mike Newton-my high-school boyfriend. We were high school sweethearts from freshman until junior year. We broke up when I caught him with his arm around another girl-well, not so much broke up, just ignored for the rest of my high school career.

He worked at the school, so he shouldn't be too hard to find.

I gathered all my things and stuffed them into my bag before going to change.

But there was a pit of doubt that Mike was the one. He sure wasn't when I last saw him.

Oh well, I thought, worth a shot, I thought to myself.

"Good day, everyone!" I shouted after my 8th hour class as they scrambled out the door. I wanted to find Mike as soon as I could.

I slipped through the crowds of teenagers. Mostly, I recognized them, because they had me for chemistry.

I glided through the hallways, but when I neared room 119, I slowed. I hadn't talked to him in years, even on the rare occasion we'd see each other in a conference or faculty meeting. I took a deep breath and peered into the doorway.

The room was empty, except for a student speaking with Mike. I waited for a few minutes, until the boy left, then sighing, I knocked on the door.

His head shot up, and I found myself staring deep into his genuine blue eyes. The memories flooded back...

...The beach in mid-summer. I am sitting in his lap, watching the sunset. After the final hint of purple light disappears under the waves, I turn and push his back to the sand, pressing my lips firmly to his.

...The school bell rings. I prance out of my final class, just as Mike swoops me into his arms. I scream and squirm, so he let's me down. I look into his eyes and peck him on the lips.

...I duck into the car, him in the driver's seat. He steps on the gas and the Beemer lurches forward and rolls down the driveway. I laugh as he wraps his arm around my neck and pulls me closer.

Mike's mouth drops open and he stands up from the desk, coming closer. "Es-Esme! What are you doing here? Oh my god, I haven't seen you in...what? 9 years?" He hugs me briefly.

I bite my lip, and smile as best as I could. "Uh, Mike...we need to...talk."

He stepped away. "Sure, sure."

"Mike, what happened in high school...what happened?" I asked.

He frowned. "You never gave me the chance to explain. What you saw...that was my cousin-Jessica."

It was my turn to stare. "Wha-what? Oh my god, OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry, Mike. I didn't know, oh, I'm so...shit!" I shouted.

He blushed. "Esme...what do you say...if...we gave...us...another chance. We could forget the past, Esme Forever."

I gasped. He looked at me with a hopeful expression.

"Well..." I hesitated.

Mike opened the jeep door for me, and I giggled as he bowed.

We strolled along the boardwalk, talking, catching up, remembering. I giggled when he pitched stones at pigeons. He laughed when I stumbled or stepped in a puddle. Just like old times.

Around 8, Mike dropped me off at home. I shut the door behind me and collapsed onto the couch. The phone rang. I cursed, and managed to crawl to it.

"You got Esme," I announced into it. Then a masculine voice spoke up.

"Hey," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want, Carlisle?" I asked impatiently. He whistled and I scowled.

"Hold your shit, babe. All I did was call," he said smoothly. Sure he was my best friend, but he could be an ass sometimes. Whatever spell he put over me in first grade sure as hell wasn't there now. Especially when he left. I was ready to go off, ready to cuss him out, to hang up, to...to... I don't know. But he can't ruin my good day with his mouth getting in the way.

"Shut the hell up! Okay?" I cursed some more until he cut me off.

"Hmm...short fuse today, huh? Esme-do you want to do something tonight, okay? I just got back. That's what I wanted to know." he admitted.

I thought for a minute. "Where?"

There was silence. "Maybe Mario's, or something? Why?"

Pizza sounded good, because I hadn't eaten since lunch. "I'll be ready," I hung up to await his arrival.

(Shrug) I hope this did it-I know Mike isn't the perfect high school sweetheart for Esme, but I wanted to get him out of the way. I hope I can update soon!


	5. Eric Yorkie

The Ex List-Chapter 4

The Social Dragonfly

Did you like the last one? I thought it was clever-the bitchy Carlisle part. Enjoy!

"So..." Carlisle started the conversation, "You're a fiery little bitch today, aren't you?"

I punched his arm from across the table. "Great way to start a conversation. That was for you, being an ass, Carlisle. By the way, I hope you ordered a lot. I haven't eaten since lunch."

He gasped, imitating a girl. "OMG-and where exactly were you NOT eating?"

I giggled and slapped him again, my bracelet tinkling. "That's for me to know, and you to maybe find out in a few months."

His eyes widened. "Esme, you're pregnant? Oh my god! Who-"

I cut him off with a laugh. "I'm am NOT pregnant, thank god. You are so damn off," I chuckled.

"You're lesbian?"

I gasped. "NO! Carlisle, honestly."

"Uh, you are sterile."

"God, you are an awful guesser!"

"You're seeing someone?"

I sighed in relief. "For a second there, I swore you were brain dead."

He scowled. "Would a surgeon be brain dead? So, who's the lucky man?"

I shrugged. "That was the mystery part."

He raised his eyebrows. "I've met him?" I nodded.

"He is a guy, correct?" I rolled my eyes and nodded.

"Have you dated him before?" I nodded, and he hummed.

"That really narrows it down."

I frowned. He was one of the first to know of my many boyfriends, and he always cracked jokes about me.

This continued for hours, until we had devoured 3 and a half supreme pizzas and many refills of Pepsi.

I climbed into bed thinking of Mike Newton, my high-school sweetheart. Carlisle hadn't even gotten close with guesses.

Old memories of Carlisle and I ran in my mind...

...Carlisle spitballing Mr. Sparrow from the back of the room. I sit next to him, laughing silently as the teacher looks around when a wad hits him, and Carlisle returning to his work every time.

...I slip off the edge of the dock at Lake Verone. Carlisle dives in after me. We laugh together, and he tosses me into deeper water.

...I giggle as he picks me up from the bed. My sweaty hair sticks to my face as we race out into the heat of the morning. I twirl and trip, landing in his arms. I push him down, me falling on top of him.

I chuckle at the old memories, though they were much older than those of Mike's.

I turn off my lamp, hoping for a clear head to come with sleep.

"Esme?"

I turned. This could not be happening. I tightened my grip on my bag.

"Eric-it's good to see you," I cheesily smiled. He came closer, and I stuck my hand out. He took it and pulled me into a hug. I gasped in surprise.

Number 4: Eric Yorkie, the Social Dragonfly of the bunch. We met in middle school-my first serious relationship. But going to the movies every weekend really took it's toll on you, so it only lasted a month and a half, though we were around each other for most of high school.

"So, how at you, Ez?" he inquired in my ear. I pulled away and shrugged.

"Fine I guess. So how are you, Yorkie?" I said with a smooth smirk. He bit his lip, and then smiled.

"Same old, same old, Ezzy," he replied, happy with himself. He knew I hated being called Ezzy-I preferred Ez or just Esme. Not Ezzy.

"Touché, so, what have you been up to?" I asked. He smiled again.

"I got hitched and had some kids. You know Angela. Yeah, she's my wife."

Of course I remembered Angela: the nicest girl around the block. I nodded. They were a good couple.

"Congrats, I'm really happy for you. Hey, um, I gotta go, uh, meet...my friend, Alice, for dinner. See ya 'round, Eric," I took a step away from him. But he grabbed my shoulder.

"Would you mind if I tagged along? I haven't eaten yet, and I really would like to catch up. So...how about it?" he stepped closer, but I quickly shook my head.

He looked pained. "Maybe another time? It was nice to see you, Eric."

I fled the store, but as soon as I stepped foot outside, I tripped and dropped my purse, things flying every direction. "Shit," I cussed over and over as I heard a familiar cough in front of me. I looked up, finding Carlisle bending down to help me. I sighed.

"Nice timing, superhero. Thanks." I laughed as he helped me up, but slipping himself.

He walked with me to my car, as I lugged my groceries over my shoulder. I thumped him in the head as he pulled open the door for me, and I climbed in. He went around to the other side and got in. I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm coming with you. I figure you are meeting Alice for dinner?" he smirked. Crap, he overheard my conversation with Eric. I groaned as I started the BMW and pulled out of the parking lot. He chuckled and I slapped his arm.

"Why were you listening, you ass? I would never..." he cut me off.

"You did, though. Don't you remember?" A slight smile turned up the corners of his mouth as I took in the realization...

...Carlisle was next to Heidi in the theater. I wasn't watching the movie at all. My eyes were glued to the back of his head, so that every move he made I was aware of. I frowned when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

I had never really understood how he had found out that I was there. I had dreamt for a little while that Heidi would be me, but as soon as the relationship had ended, I was back to my normal self.

I blushed and slapped him again, the bracelet he had given me tinkling on my wrist. He smiled and rubbed his arm.

"I swear, whenever I am with you for more than 5 minutes, I end up with a purple arm. What's wrong with you today? And yesterday? What in the hell was that? Come on, Esme!" he accused, and I just laughed. He scoffed. "Oh god-great, absolutely freaking great! Another damn guessing game?"

I raised an eyebrow as I pulled up in front of Carlisle's apartment building. "Out," I commanded. He sighed.

"You are a fiery bitch, god Esme. I am your BFF, after all," he said in a girly tone. I frowned.

"Out," I said simply. He huffed, but got out, and I watched him walk up the steps before pulling away to go to meet Alice.

What'd ya think? I love you all and I will update Sparks Fly hopefully sometime soon. By-Bye!


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